I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize