omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
bring money and cleavage
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
