Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
