Soap is not a condiment
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
