Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
