No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
