he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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