brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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