i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
