There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
