i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
