so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
