Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
