My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Acid is not a monday night drug
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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