why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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