Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
FUCK WHALES
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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