I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
