I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize