that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
