oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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