are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Barsexuality is the new black.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
