Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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