Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
