even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize