I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He felt like a one man threesome
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
