Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
