I have demons in me.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
