i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Randomize
