She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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