Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize