Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
