Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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