A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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