i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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