the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize