remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Randomize
