im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
