Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
