I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
