If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
