Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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