and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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