My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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