WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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