oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
