And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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