Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
