made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
