I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
