I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
