i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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