Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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