i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
