I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
