Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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