I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
