Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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