I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
