My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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