Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
