Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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