You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
