So drunk, too bad you don't want this
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
