did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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