a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My vagina is officially offended.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
