i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
