Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
