I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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