dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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