I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
