i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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