wakey wakey hands off snakey
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
