he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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